29 April, 2013

Astronomers Devastated As Search for Football World Shuts Down


Astronomers at Mt Stromlo Observatory learned yesterday that their deep-space search for the Football World has fallen victim to budget cuts. The decision has sparked dismay in the close-knit space-science community.

“It’s the end of one of science’s most noble quests,“ a dejected Professor of Astrophysics Scott Palmer said last night. “I mean, who hasn’t wondered about the possibility of a real Football World after so many tantalizingly brief references to its existence? Like, "the Football World is in shock", or "the Footbal World is in turmoil". Now, that suggests an object with a breath-takingly volatile, turbulent atmosphere. Or at the very least, a global climate that mirrors a winter’s day at Waverley.”

But what about recent data suggesting that this possible Football World, despite its extreme distance and unknown location, might exert a strong gravitational pull on large parts of Australia between March and September?

“Oh, there’s no doubt about that. But we’d also developed a theory that radiation of an as-yet -unknown type emitted from the Football World was causing disturbingly extreme fluctuations in human emotion and behaviour.” However, Professor Palmer conceded the only clear evidence to support this were crowd-reaction shots from Channel 7’s match coverage.

Federal Science Minister Ian Cleland said this morning that most staff would be re-deployed to work on the still fully-funded search for the Marvel Comics Universe.

5 comments:

Ann ODyne said...

enjoyed that thanks LL.

recent AFL news too depressing.

I am just waiting for The Brownlow WAGS to field their own lingerie-football team.
(Image search is worthwhile on a rainy day)

Legends Football League - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legends_Football_League
The league was founded by Mitch Mortaza

Kath Lockett said...

Love it!

The gravitational pull of Football World - current debate as to its actual existence notwithstanding - is also strong enough to attract men who reside from destinations as far away as Switzerland. Symptoms include locking themselves away in the study for three hours at a time; trawling The Age website for tedious statistics and post-match analysis and for peppering general conversations with classic 'Football World' terms such as 'home ground advantage,' 'white maggot' and 'bloody Chris Judd!'

Lad Litter said...

AOD, I'm uplifted by Essendon's brilliant onfield form. And downcast by the ongoing ASADA investigation. Whitewash, cover-up, loopholes, bungling, scapegoating - these are our our only hopes!

As ever, you're ahead of your time - the WAGS lingerie league can only be a reality TV show away..

Marshall Stacks said...

oh Kath I feel sorry for LoveChunks now. I have always thought that the ambience of a VFL commentary would make any Melburnian weep with homesickness if they heard it in a foreign place.
My abiding memory of my grandfather (played for Hamilton 1920's) is with his ear to the radio every Saturday afternoon through the sixties.

Lad Litter said...

Kath: The tyranny of distance indeed. I hope there is enough technology available for LC to watch games and keep up with bombastic noises the football media make. Actually, I wouldn’t miss that last bit, not at all. Is there someone apart from yourself that he can talk footy with? If not, can he get by without that? I’ve never lived away, so I’d be interested in whatever coping mechanisms need to be deployed in the absence of the essential life-force that is football.