At The Doctor's

I wasn’t really all that worried when I first noticed the large lump in my right groin area. At first I thought one of my cojones had sneaked back inside where it’s safe and warm. Wouldn’t you if you had the chance? Perhaps not. But a quick count confirmed all of my moving parts were where they should be.

I did not panic. It was a Thursday and on the Friday TLOML and I were due to be celebrating the 20th anniversary of our first date. French champagne, flowers, candlelight, a spliff or two and hot, passionate sex, replete with fun games all our own. Would you believe I spend months anticipating events like these? You bet I do.

I decided to wait a week or so before asking my GP if this lump was bad news or really bad news. Besides, it was quite soft and almost completely painless.

I forgot all about it for the next week and just turned up unannounced at the surgery on Saturday morning. This GP is a lovely bloke and has been our family doctor for about 25 years. He has a steady core clientele of elderly locals but there were very few in the waiting room this time around, most of his long-standing patients, including my own parents, having dropped off the twig these past few years.

Having waited for a week that might have been the difference between life-saving early diagnosis and I’m-afraid-there’s-nothing-we-can-do, you can imagine how keen I was to find out what the prognosis would be. I was about to drop strides and lie down on the table but thought I’d better do that in the surgery rather than the waiting room.

The examination and a few perfunctory questions confirmed what I’d suspected all along: that I had an indirect inguinal hernia. Nothing too serious. You can go on with all your normal business but if the bowel gets mixed up in it, forcing its way into the passage which only contains some fatty tissue for now, it’s emergency time. I’d be silly not to have something done about it.

So I’ve been referred to a specialist surgeon. The GP told me that the operation is a fairly routine one that seldom leads to recurrence or complications, but I’d have the physically active part of my life on hold for about six weeks. So I’ll be trying to have it done well away from cricket season, wedding anniversaries, etc.

And I’d probably need to be off work for about four weeks. I think I can manage that.

Eight Random Things About Me

I've been tagged for the Eight Random Things About Me meme by Go Away Please. I believe her when she said she has led a very interesting life.

1. I started playing cricket again at the age of 44 after a twenty year absence and love it more than I ever did before;
2. I have the hots big time for TLOML. Many of our conversations consist of me trying to chat her up;
3. My favourite movie of all time is Out of The Past (1947);
4. My all-time favourite novel is I, Claudius (1934);
5. My all time favourite TV show is Get Smart (1965-70);
6. I have nearly died twice: once when I was having my tonsils out at the age of three; and again after another operation at age nine;
7. TLOML and I attended the same primary school. I remember her, and it really doesn’t bother me at all that she has no recollection of me;
8. Moe, Larry and Curly are much better sons to TLOML and I than I was to my parents;

There you are: a little autobiography; a little romance; a little PostSecret.

Lucky I Work for Dale Carnegie

We had a very busy week at work and the business with my not-meant-to-be-sent resignation email to my boss had to wait a little while before he could call me in for a chat. I wasn't worried about what he might say, but I was mentally prepared for a bollocking. He told me how I'd probably been feeling and hit the mark, describing peaks and troughs which cause you to to go home at the end of a bad day thinking all is lost and alternately finish up a good day feeling great about the world.

This boss of mine is a likable, avuncular fellow who is very popular with all of the stakeholders here at work. He invariably exercises good judgment about when to be firm and when to let things work themselves out. I think he's read and implemented How To Win Friends And Influence People without appearing like a slick salesman.

I let him know that I felt the disaffection I'd been letting myself wallow in was down to me and I needed to keep a detached professional distance between myself and the job, and not get sucked in to reacting emotionally to setbacks. I also let him know that I could feel things getting better as I tried to deal with people who I understood were not going out of their way to give me the shits, just being themselves and could be brought round.

He offered me a week off at any time in the future if I felt a little hemmed in, which was very generous. He also told me that he was happy with how I'd fitted in during the year-and-a-bit I'd been there and that he regarded my continuing as vital.

I've put aside feeling sorry for myself and have girded my loins (I'm sure everyone's loins need girding at some stage) to work a bit harder and smarter in the areas of my job that really count. Ordinarily, I need to do a fair bit of work at home just to keep my head above water and I've been coming home drained and not wanting to touch work-related stuff. Which just makes things worse. A little each night will get me back on track.

I also told him that I liked this particular workplace above all others and the abortive resignation business was because if I couldn't cut the mustard here then I didn't want to go anywhere else, but make a clean break from the whole business.

I'd already thought this bloke was the best boss I'd experienced in a fairly good field over a long period of time and this confirmed it. I'm staying. And I'm finished with whinging about work.

Stupidity, Thy Name Be Lad Litter

Yetserday morning I composed the following email to my boss:

Hi ****,

I have to tell you that I intend to resign from the ********* and will need to discuss an appropriate exit strategy with you. The plan at this stage would be to finish here at ******** at the end of June. With a LSL entitlement of around four and a half months, my resignation would be effective from the end of that leave period.

My official letter of resignation will follow our discussion once we’ve sorted out all of the correct dates.

I do not wish to continue as a member of the ********* profession without a meaningful sense of commitment to ****** and I apologise for the inconvenience and disappointment this will undoubtedly cause. Especially here, where you and **** and **** and all the staff have been so wonderful to me during my time here. My leaving will remove the potential for greater disappointment were I to remain.

I intend to fulfil all commitments and will leave everything in good order in all areas.

I had a distinct chill around my feet so I saved it into drafts rather than send. But it went! And I didn't realise until yesterday afternoon when I started to have second thoughts about packing it in. Remember that Simpsons episode when Homer sent the nasty ungrateful letter to Mr Burns? Fred Flintstone did a similar thing. I'm a living cartoon sitcom.

I feel better about my job now. So this morning I sent this email.

Hi ****,

I sent you an email yesterday that I meant to save into drafts but must have clicked on send by mistake. Please disregard. I’d like to speak to you briefly about it sometime over the next couple of days.

I feel really stupid but the kind of stupidity I can laugh at, not the sort that has led to my current crisis of professional confidence.

I hope my boss can laugh at it too. Even if it is between gritted teeth.

Going, Going, Gone...

I'll be submitting my resignation tomorrow morning.

It will be easy because:
1) I hate my job;
2) I don't want to do it anymore;
3) It will arrest my downward spiral;
4) Long Service Leave entitlements add up to about four and a half months;
5) I'm looking forward to being at home for a while and fixing up a few things.

It will be hard because:
1) I'm turning my back on a career of c.25 years;
2) I don't know what lies ahead of me;
3) It's a great place to work notwithstanding my disaffection with my particular line of work;
4) People there have been wonderful to me and I'll be disappointing them;
5) Whatever job I get next is bound to be on much lower pay.

I'll continue until June to see a few ongoing tasks off, tie up all the loose ends I possibly can and try to leave things in good order for my replacement.

So it goes.