05 November, 2008

She's Not A Girl Who Misses Much...

Well, blow me down if I didn't get some great advice from the comments placed at the previous post. Really insightful, warm-hearted and understanding. I was heading towards similar conclusions all on my own, would you believe?

I didn't think so.

But this is what's happening: firstly me;
1) I do like her. Siobhan is graceful. And charming. The whole office seems to think highly of her. I'm drawn to her the way lots of people are. And we have common ground. The music ensemble we're playing in. There is something of an affinity;
2) Alright, yes, she is very attractive. A young 35. Not overly tall, but both slender and curvaceous at the same time and with dark brown hair and big brown eyes;
3) What am I doing? Just two things, I maintain:
a) Her emails get answered first. And I spend more time composing an email reply to her than I would to the CEO. I think he's starting to get jealous;
b) And focusing intently when we talk. She's in vivid technicolour while everyone else languishes in low-contrast black and white. She seems almost equally attentive, but I'm a bit concerned it might also be kind of obvious to eyewitnesses;
4) What aren't I doing? Well, I'm not seeking her out. I just breeze through the lunchroom when she's there and don't hang around if she comes in after me. She's equally perfunctory. But we just bump into each other and have a chat - almost exclusively about the ensemble these days;
5) I'm aware of her. It doesn't matter if we're in the same space with plenty of other people around, everyone heading in different directions, we always seem to greet each other. I quite like that about her. I think anyone would;

Now to Siobhan:
1) See above;
2) She has this almost teenage-girl way about her that shows off a fairly dazzling array of weaponry - head tilted; eyes up through lashes; slight blush; big smile; dimples at full compression; my name elongated, "Hi La-aad." I'm sure it's been used to devastating effect on far better men than I. I've seen this a few times now. And I'm not getting sick of it;

So, ready for some conclusions?

Well, I don't think Siobhan has a crush on me. I believe 2) above is just her way. Part of her charm and means nothing. She might not be fully aware she's doing it. I thought at one stage she might even be making fun of me a little, "Here he comes. Let's see what shade of red I can turn him today. Need to be careful, though. He nearly crossed over into purple on Tuesday. I had to switch all my dimples off!" This is unlikely. But I'd think it was funny, just the same.

She has a knack for making me feel comfortable and appreciated. I'm very lucky in that.

And me? All of the above, really. I don't feel lustful towards her. There's no phwoar. If anything, it feels like one of those pure and noble teenage crushes, the kind you might have had on your older sisters' girlfriends who seemed wonderful to your early teen eyes.

And folks, this has never been a fidelity issue. Most of you would know that I passionately and romantically love TLOML, on all levels. I look at her like she's my exciting new girlfriend. You know, "Wait till my mates see who I'm going out with."

She's fabulous. Wife and mother. Great to watch walking towards you. Great to be with.

On Monday, she delivered one of the eulogies at her cousin's funeral. She was a woman the same age as TLOML, killed in a car accident last Sunday week. They'd been good friends as kids. A terrible loss of a much-loved and striking woman. TLOML would normally be apprehensive about public speaking, and she was nervous. But she looked beautiful and graceful and sounded clear, confident and warm. Got a few laughs too. There are many reasons why she is TLOML.

And so what will I do about Siobhan? Nothing, really. And she won't need to do anything about me. I'll back off on the emails, and try to include others when Siobhan and I do talk. Nothing else needs to change. I can enjoy the friendship and the music for what it is. Shit, it kind of means I'm okay.

And maybe get a little bit of a kick out of it too. I am only a bloke, after all.


Cynic with Flair said...

Lad, you're on the money on this one. It is perfectly fine to have an appreciation for one another. It would be illogical to think that attraction ends once you commit to one person. I'm glad you are putting it in perspective, and giving props to TLMOL. She has never lost an inch of ground in your eyes, and that I am sure of.

Cheers, Cynic

The Exception said...

Have you told her about this Woman? Is there a reason you haven't if you haven't?

It sounds like you and she have a secure relationship and one that is loving and strong. It is always nice to have that outside flirt attraction that is going no where at all. Just something a bit fun to enjoy (platonic) now and again. You sound like you have everything in perspective!

Lad Litter said...

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I think I might end up handling it all quite well. It will be a nice single-purpose work-only friendship and that's fine.

I have mentioned Siobhan to TLOML but only in the context of the ensemble. I just know I'd botch any explanation, a rabbiy in the headlights and create a disaster out of nothing.

Lad Litter said...

Shit, that typo made it look like a rabbi in the headlights. It's supposed to be rabbit in the headlights.

Meghan said...

I think it's perfectly normal to have crushes while your with someone it's just being able to assess that it is a crush and keep it at that. You're a smart guy. You got it figured out.

JahTeh said...

Give it about two months before the glow wears off and one day you'll look right through her.
It's a bit like porn, the more you watch the more boring it becomes.

Lad Litter said...

Meghan & Jahteh:
Yeah, look I think I might have figured it out in terms of the general perspective. She's actually been looking right through me lately and hasn't turned the teenage-girl-in-love look on me for a while. Can't say I'm displeased. Makes it all a whole lot less complicated.

Fanny F said...

Full admiration for anyone who respects their partner like you respect TLO(Y)L.

Lad Litter said...

Very nice of you, FF. It's not too difficult, actually. TLOML is wonderful, even thinking about it objectively. I think it should say so on her driver's licence and passport.

Ann O'Dyne said...

peace and love from me.

The Blakkat said...

And they lived happily...

Yeah, that's sounds all about right. Glad to hear all is fine & in perspective ;-)

Lad Litter said...

Awww, that's so nice. Thanks AOD. Appreciate your kind thoughts.

Depersonalizing and looking at it objectively helped a bit. So I've still never really been tested. I quite like that.

Ann O'Dyne said...

Stop! Hey what's that sound?
Everybody knows what going down.

miss diarist said...

I'm proud of you, as patronising as that sounds.

And slightly in awe of your analytical ability when it comes to emotions.

Lad Litter said...

You've nailed the lyric! Shame Bruce Palmer sold his rights to Buffalo Springfield's royalties in 1973 and so didn't get a zac when For What It's Worth led the Forrest Gump soundtrack.

Miss D:
Not patronizing at all, thank you very much. If you got a look at Siobhan, and then at me, you'd understand it'd be like me trying to bat far higher up the order than my ability would indicate. I can work out the emotions now okay, but could have done with this older head on my shoulders when single. I'm still having nightmares.

Crushed said...

I think it's quite simple; You're in love, mate.

I actually have someone I feel a little like this about. And its totally unrequited. But everything kind of happens for a reason, I think.

She still gives me something amazing in my life- because I accept it for what it is. I have a beautiful friendship with her.

Just go with the flow. Not everything always fits into tidy little boxes :)

Lad Litter said...

Come on, we both know it's never simple ;)

You're right, I'll just drift along with it.

But I'm getting the impression everyone in the world has a secret crush on someone.

Ms Smack said...

I think this is a beautiful post. I have a crush on someone forbidden too.

Lad Litter said...

MS: This series, coupled with many comments such as yours, have meade me wonder: do we always have a crush on someone, whether acted upon or not? Is it some kind of basic human need?

Ann oDyne said...

re "do we always have a crush on someone, whether acted upon or not? Is it some kind of basic human need? Mon Dec 15"

'Why we love, Dr Helen Fisher, Henry Holt publisher.

there are 3 amorous systems:
1. Lust (for procreation
2. Romance (for Mr.Right
3. Attachment (long-haul) the most complex and does not cancel-out 1 and 2.

Warm attachment to one's spouse can co-exist with lust for The Nanny.
eg: Robin Williams, Jude Law, Shane Warne, David Beckham, the entire NRL.
Adrenaline*** triggers Dopamine which creates euphoric energetic exhilaration so that a love-addled brain appears in a scan as identical to one cacked on crack.

oxytocin is in there somewhere too.

The Myth of monogamy, David Barasch and Judith Lipton is another ref.

*** clearly, sport is a dangerous activity in more ways than one

sexy said...